Dear Haters of Cargo Shorts

Ok.

I admit it.

I can sometimes get riled up pretty easily.

Why, you ask? Because, dude, I’m a dad of 4 1/2 year-old twin toddlers, and the founder of a tech startup that, after four years, is still trying to get traction. It used to be that my drunk alter ego, "Tyrone", would only come out when I was, well, drunk. But because of said toddlers and tech startup crap, Tyrone is pretty much just out.

All. The. Time.

And Tyrone sometimes has to say his piece.

So when Tyrone recently saw an article titled, Cargo shorts are the worst thing a man can wear in the spring and summer — here’s what you should wear instead, over at Business Insider, Tyrone was like, “Awwww hell naw! These non-kids-having fools ain’t gon’ talk $h!t about Tyrone’s go-to wardrobe item.”

And because I have young twins, whom I call midget brain cell thieves (I swear I was smarter before I had twins), I don’t have the mental bandwidth to properly tear those cargo-shorts-haters a new one.

The solution?  I reached out to a bunch of my dad blogger buddies on Facebook to see what they think.

Below is what some of them said.

Dads Respond:

Spike Zelenka, Doubletroubledaddy.com

Who’s hating on cargo shorts? Would I wear them to a wedding? Of course not. Will I wear them pretty much everywhere else? Absolutely! They were designed with twin parenting in mind. Do we have lots of stuff to look after as the father of twins? YES! And there’s a pocket on both sides. Coincidence? I think not!


 to which Tyrone replied:

I will wear cargo shorts in a box. I will wear cargo shorts with a fox.

I will wear them here or there. I will wear cargo shorts anywhere!


Spike Zelenka:

Oh, and if we judged a woman based on what SHE wore, well, we know what kind of outcome that would bring.


True dat.

Jeff Tepper, Dallas City Dads Group, in response to a posted photo of my cargo shorts:

I think you have the only color I don’t…


Bravo, Jeff Tepper. Bravo!

 Stacey Robinsmith, staceyrobinsmith.com:

In the article it says what do you even carry in those pockets – as the dad of twins I carry many items. Including my wallet, mobile phone, mini pack of wipes, bandaids, Neosporin, pocket knife, house/car keys, phone charger, treasures my kids have found during our day together, receipts from the day, pen/pencil, Moleskine notebook … and more.


Yeah. What Stacey said.

Nicholas Dinkel, Daddy Dink:

Open the article…then look at the pic comparing the chinos to the cargo shorts…why does the chino pic look like shaved chicken legs of maybe even a woman or prepubescent boy, while cargo is a nice hairy man leg with a bit more calf definition?

Judging by their pics, these bad boys don’t belong in chinos!


Ahhhhhhh, no comment. I have chicken legs. But yeah, what Nicholas said!

John Cullimore, Chibi Kodama:

Because I have five kids, need pockets, and am a large mammal who needs a breeze. Screw fashion. I want comfort and function!


Yes, John, I agree!

John Lam:

I keep looking at that side-by-side shot of the cargo vs chino and for the life of me I can’t see whatever it is they see when they look at the cargo side. These guys are assholes.

“If you’re still looking for places to keep extra items, there’s always the possibility of carrying a bag with you.” — I love that their advice is, if you want to carry stuff, carry a bag … you know, instead of using your pockets. Ok.


Definitely a-holes, of the non-children-having variety. Which is why they can suck it.

David Stanley, Dads Roundtable:

Don’t be a dumbass. Cargo shorts are brilliant. They are the Leatherman-Gerber-Swiss Army multi-tool of men’s clothing. They are the seven iron; the one golf club you always hit well, of men’s wear. They are the late-night-snack bowl of cereal in the closet of every guy.


Genius!

Marty Coleman, TheNapkinDad:

As if I would give a s**t about what some random stranger thought about my shorts. I love cargo shorts and that’s that.


Well said, Marty!

Michael Kennedy,

I pulled a pair out from the bottom of a drawer I haven’t worn in about a year. Found a binky, legos, a five dollar bill and tickets to mini golf in the extra pockets. Father of Three time capsule, I should bronze those bad boys.


I looked for bronzed cargo shorts, but this is all I could come up with. Sorry, Michael, I tried.

 

Kevin Wagar: WanderingWagars

Cargo shorts are the only the shorts I'll buy. They are like the Jeep Wrangler of lower body wear. Lots of storage room, can go anywhere, and they let the breeze run through your (leg) hair.


And speaking of Jeep Wranglers...with Cargo shorts, you always know where your keys are!

Frank Priegue, I'm Not Grandpa: 

Cargo pants are a man purse, I keep my glasses or shades in there and can hold things my son doesn't want to play with any longer. I'm not looking to be fashionable, I want something comfortable


Exactly!

Chris Routly, Routly.com:

I also like the "This is what you look like" photo. Wait, I look happy and relaxed and I'm cruising on a moped? Awesome! That sounds amazing. Maybe a little dorky? Could not care less.


HA!


Chris Routly: 

The Finance section of Business Insider is where I get all of my fashion advice, especially about how to be a real man and accentuate my trim silhouette.


LOVE THIS!

Roberto Santiago, An Interdisciplinary Life:

Because then my bag is smaller. Don't need the diaper bag, just a small backpack. Also, to hold all the stuff my kids find or make while we're out. Our local MLB team has a crafts table in the stadium. I need place to carry pipe cleaner jewelry.

Also, I don't always like to sit on my wallet. I also don't want it in my front pocket. Boom! Thigh pocket. Oh, and now I have to (like to) carry phone charge cord and extra battery. Basically, dads need cargos for similar reasons the army needed them. To carry random crap you might need.


Pipe Cleaner Jewelry!  Of course! (Sounds like my next band name!) 

And for all the cynics in the building, Nick Dawson, DadLabs, offers this assessment:

 

Nick Dawson

I’m beginning to think this is really just a bullshit campaign by the textiles industry trying to save money by putting less fabric into men’s shorts, and of course still charge the same price (or more). You cannot convince me that’s not a possibility.


Ha! Love It!

And finally, I eff-ing love this photo via Aaron Gouveia, Schneider Associates:

 
The #DadLife Cargo Crew at Schneider Associates

In summary, here’s what I say to all the cargo shorts haters:

 

Imma rock my cargo shorts until the damn pockets fall off ’em.

#CargoShortsWearDontCare #TwinDadLife.

 

For information about the shirt shown at the beginning, and other cool dad shirts like it, click here

Note from the editor:  Although there's nothing wrong with the original Business Insider article, it really misses the point of who's wearing cargo shorts. If you want to point and laugh at single men in their 20s, out for a weekend at the Cape, then yes, the chino shorts they recommend are spot-on. If you, like me, are a father, who needs more than 4 pockets because you're chasing twins around the house, playground, and beyond, then the extra pockets are a necessity. At this point, I don't care if my knees show or not. I'm not worried that my shorts don't compliment my figure. I want to make sure that if I need somewhere to briefly stow a pacifier, or to stash a package of goldfish crackers when we're at the park, I've got it. I don't want to have to lug a diaper bag the size of a sherpa's pack everywhere we go. Think of the pockets as my attached "man-bags" or a lower version of the once popular fanny pack.

If you want to read some other great articles in defense of this twin dad's go-to accessory. check out the great articles below!:

James Oliver Jr.
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James Oliver Jr.

James Oliver Jr. is co-founder of the world’s cutest twins, founder of WeMontage.com, which turns your photos into removable wallpaper, and author of the book “The More You Hustle, The Luckier You Get: You CAN Be a Successful Parentpreneur”.
James Oliver Jr.
Follow me!

Latest posts by James Oliver Jr. (see all)

James Oliver Jr.

James Oliver Jr. is co-founder of the world’s cutest twins, founder of WeMontage.com, which turns your photos into removable wallpaper, and author of the book “The More You Hustle, The Luckier You Get: You CAN Be a Successful Parentpreneur”.

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