When Twins are Not Best Friends

I don’t remember ever fighting with my brothers and sisters.

Ever.

I don’t even remember having any harsh words with them.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, we didn’t always agree on everything or anything, but I don’t remember fighting or even arguing. I was not a perfect kid.  There were plenty of times I didn’t do homework or do the right thing.  I am not even a perfect man or daddy.

But, fighting?

It could be that my brothers and sisters are all considerably older than I am.  I mean WAY older.  (I don’t even know if they had motorized vehicles or telephones when they went to school.  But, I digress.)

 

 

 

Which brings me to the two apples of my eye, Archibald and Mortimer, now aged now 9. (Going on 16, acting like 4).

They seem to fight All. The. Time.

It all started around the 12 month mark. As their awareness increased regarding their environment and the people in it. That’s when they realized that there was another person, very close in age to theirs, who seemed to engage in all the same activities.  Then, they realized that that other person also wanted the same resources available, either food, toys, or Mommy and Daddy, and the competition  began.

Let’s face it.  Twins are “strange” anyway because they have this indefinable bond and communication method between them.  Somehow that bond continues even to this day where they will talk and laugh and share jokes and stories and whatever else that only they will understand.  Of course, they will also struggle when they long for the same exact thing at the same time. That’s when the struggle turns to fighting.  And they are both complicit and guilty of the interactions.

I don’t understand the pushing and shoving matches they’ve resorted to..  I’ve never pushed them or hit them, so I’m not quite sure where they got the idea. As they’ve gotten older, the pushing and hitting has gotten more serious.  I mean, they don’t actually hurt each other or anything, but they do take their “disagreements” or “competition” to a greater level.

 

 

I’ve had countless talks with them about peaceful co-existence and violence only begets violence. The impact of my speech lasts for a little while before they revert back to their old ways. From this vantage point, they seem to have this love-hate relationship with each other.  They certainly have their own distinct, and totally opposite, personalities.

Work it out. Take turns. Get along

In talking to other parents, they don’t seem different from other twins or other kids’ relationship to their siblings. I’ve seen kids who are totally complacent / passive and others who are just this side of rude / obnoxious. Thankfully my sons fit right in the middle. I even talked to a family therapist who had three boys.  She told me that her approach is to let the boys do and play whatever they want.  She said that she tells them to only bother her if someone is actually bleeding and that they need to learn to work things out on their own. That does not seem like such a bad approach.  Let them learn to work things out on their own. Being the doting daddy that I am, I will continue to monitor their behavior and aggression for each other.  Even after their little scuffles, they seem to start playing again right away.

 

Twins are unique.  I don’t understand their relationship with each other, but that’s ok.  It’s not mine to understand.

 

Do your multiples fight?  What do you do to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand? 

 

 

Jeff Jackson

Jeff Jackson

Jeff is a published author and contributor to three books on daddies. He is a blogger, writer, and speaker for Daddies and men. He lives just north of NYC with his wife and twin cheetahs sons.
Jeff Jackson

Latest posts by Jeff Jackson (see all)

Jeff Jackson

Jeff is a published author and contributor to three books on daddies. He is a blogger, writer, and speaker for Daddies and men. He lives just north of NYC with his wife and twin cheetahs sons.

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